Hi, I'm Allison.
| about 3 minutes to read
This is the third or fourth time I’ve written something like this and weirdly, it doesn’t get any easier the more I do it. A lot of drafting and redrafting to make sure I hit everything I want to.
The title on this should pretty much give away the big reveal here. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and self-image issues for years and years and years and finally went and talked to a therapist about it last year. After having those conversations and giving it a lot of intensely personal thought on my own, it turns out that a lot of these issues were due to gender dysphoria. Coming to terms with that has massively improved my stress levels.
So, yeah. I’m a trans woman. It’s not a phase or anything like that, it’s not a choice, it’s putting an accurate label to feelings that I’ve had for a very long time.
Once I actually figured that out, it wasn’t just serious, profound stress relief: it also came with a realization that this was not something that I was comfortable repressing for the rest of my life. Part of what that means is that I’m taking steps to live and present as my preferred gender.
I’m just starting that journey, so there’s a lot of stuff that’s going to be changing over the next few years. Medical treatments and other appearance/presentation stuff all kind of falls into that bucket - I’m not sure of everything I’ll be doing yet, but some of those decisions will be made along the way.
I’m not taking this step lightly. Despite the progress that’s been made in recognition of trans* people, especially in my state, there’s still discrimination and hostility out there, and the current federal administration isn’t really helping things at all. I’m still moving forward, though, because I feel very strongly that not doing so is not a viable option for me.
For now, the biggest changes are pretty much name and pronouns. The rest will come in time. At this point, though, I’m just asking for your understanding and acceptance, and that you start to use feminine pronouns and my new name when talking to or about me. Nicknames, I think AJ’s still fine. Still feels like it fits.
If you want to chat (questions? clarifications? just catching up on life?), please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m keeping the lines of communication pretty open here. If this is a serious problem for you (and I truly hope it’s not for anyone), then I’d ask that we simply part ways here and no hard feelings. If you change your mind you know where to find me.